You haven’t posted in a while. so i’m going to.
love you babe
But if you were to move to California, it would fuck everything up with your school. You’ve got a good thing going in Texas, and i honestly don’t think you should mess it up. I know California is home and I know that’s where you want to be, but you can be there in four years. If you go now, that fucks up your tuition. You have your scholarship, instate tuition and plans figured out.
And this really isn’t my place to say this, but i think your mom is more reliable than your dad. and you should stick things out with her. Your dad left, came back and is now going to California. It just seems like he can’t make up his mind. Plus, your mom has a job. Like i said though, it’s not my place to say any of this. I’m not sure if maybe i’m missing some of the story or if i don’t know what i’m talking about.
I know there is a saying that goes with this, but i can’t think of it. there is one that kinda fits, but not really.
but uh, here it goes anyway.
don’t leave the one you love, for the one you like. because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
so like, if you go to california. you could mess up something good thats about to happen to you.
and you’re right, your life hasn’t been easy. but maybe it’s about to start getting easier. maybe college is when it turns around.
idk.
I know I fucked up. I really know I fucking did. I’m the fucking stupidest kid out there, I know this. And I know we have to talk about this, but can I just say some stuff right now?
I really thought in my head that everything in my life was pretty good. I went for a walk after I left school today on the trails and it was great, I felt so wonder lust and in love with life even if it wasn’t too smooth. Because I at least thought I had things figured out. I was going to figure out what I was going to major in my first semester of college, I was going to go to the same university for my entire undergraduate career and I was going to be coming back to Dallas very often since it was so close and everything seemed like it made sense.
That’s regardless of my dad not being home, my mom working hours when I’m home and always being alone, my moms seeing this one guy and I could fucking care less about anything so long as I wasn’t being affected. It’s their lives right? What the fuck do I have to say about anything as long as they’re happy and they’re not harming anyone else.
But now my dad says he wants to move back to California and he wants me to go with him.
Are you fucking serious? California is my fucking home and he made me let go of it and told me to never ever fucking think of it again because it’s in the past and Texas was where my living was. And now he wants me to live there with him in my uncles house. I fucking begged my parents to let me live there with my aunt when I was younger so I could get in state tuition there when it was time to go to college and what not and they did not fucking let me. That’s why I’m fucking going to school in Texas. They both know that if I were to choose anywhere in the world to live it would be there, it’s not like I’m gonna go to school here because it’s my first choice. It’s my only choice.
They can’t fucking do this to me. What the fuck. Can they not do their own thing and let me just be fucking me? I’m 18 fucking years old. Why the fuck are they making me choose sides like I’m a 6 year old in between a divorce.
I don’t fucking get them. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t even something I should be stressing about and it’s not even like it’s the end of the world but it’s fucking annoying as fuck to me right now. I’m sorry. This is why I smoke. It fucking keeps me sane from the shit that goes on around me. But I can’t even smoke to this. I can’t fucking do it every time my parents go off and do shit like this. They’re fucking adults. They can not be fucking with me like this.
I know I’m being to hard on them but shit.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
This was supposed to be the chapter in my life where I make my own decisions and get my independence. No being there for my parents because they could be there for themselves, but it’s my dad. And then it’s my mom. And I can’t just turn my back on them like that and tell them to politely “fuck off” pretty much.
But then again, my life has never been easy. And I don’t know why I’m fucking stupid enough to believe anything has or will ever change.
Fuck.
so accurate
That pops up whenever I come to make a post
Every single time
I don’t want to delete any history on my laptop just so it always shows up
Idk
I’m lame.
It’s funny, but it’s kinda not at the same time…
I bought a pretty red dress today.
you like red.
It is pretty stupid we feel like this
But I wouldn’t have it any other way
